I got a joke for ya, “Grandpa gets audited”, but first, I wanted to talk about tax time at the Taylor’s Cozy Nook. I just helped Josh, our 22-year-old adult son, file his taxes for the first time. He nervously chimed he thought he would be owing the IRS. But, he calmed down upon realizing he actually gets a full refund. He is also smart enough to not get too excited. He knows that getting a refund just means that the government gets an interest free loan on your dime for a year. However, since he recently moved into his own apartment, he is chipper about receiving it.
Since he filed the 1040-EZ, filing his return was pretty painless – or “Idiocracy easy”, as Josh stated. I did notice some vast unfairness in the system, however. For example, he doesn’t qualify for Earned Income Credit since he isn’t 26, despite living on his own and claiming his own dependency. It’s no wonder people get so frustrated with the IRS and the vast volumes of tax laws and loopholes.
A few years ago, I found this joke circulating the internet. Locating the original author proved fruitless since so many people have reposted it. For all I know, it’s been around since before the dawn of the internet – but if you need a good laugh, I preset “Grandpa Gets Audited”.
Grandpa Gets Audited
The IRS summons Grandpa to the office because they notice some irregularities in his latest return. Grandpa decides to face them head on and shows up with his well-dressed attorney.
The auditor explains, ‘The IRS simply finds it unbelievable that you can live so posh, yet have no income. You claim to make money gambling?”
“I can prove what a great gambler I am,’ says Grandpa.
The auditor agrees to a demonstration.
Grandpa snorts, ‘I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.’
“Well, that’s not possible”, says the auditor. “I’ll take that bet.”
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.
Grandpa next says, ‘Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.’
The auditor knows that grandpa isn’t blind, and therefore, doesn’t have a second glass eye. He takes him up on the second offer.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
‘Want to go double or nothing?’ Grandpa asks ‘I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.’
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa’s own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
‘Are you okay?’ the auditor asks.
‘Not really,’ says the attorney. ‘This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it!’
Grandpa gets audited and comes out on top!
We enjoy hosting parties and my husband and I are both avid gamers. You can find me on PS4 as SunshineFlaGirl. We also play tabletop RPGs and eurogames.
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