Grandpa Gets Audited – Funny Stuff!

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I got a joke for ya, “Grandpa gets audited”, but first, I wanted to talk about tax time at the Taylor’s Cozy Nook.  I just helped Josh, our 22-year-old adult son, file his taxes for the first time.  He nervously chimed he thought he would be owing the IRS.  But, he calmed down upon realizing he actually gets a full refund.  He is also smart enough to not get too excited.  He knows that getting a refund just means that the government gets an interest free loan on your dime for a year.  However, since he recently moved into his own apartment, he is chipper about receiving it.

Since he filed the 1040-EZ, filing his return was pretty painless – or “Idiocracy easy”, as Josh stated.  I did notice some vast unfairness in the system, however.  For example, he doesn’t qualify for Earned Income Credit since he isn’t 26, despite living on his own and claiming his own dependency.  It’s no wonder people get so frustrated with the IRS and the vast volumes of tax laws and loopholes.

A few years ago, I found this joke circulating the internet.  Locating the original author proved fruitless since so many people have reposted it.  For all I know, it’s been around since before the dawn of the internet – but if you need a good laugh, I preset “Grandpa Gets Audited”.

Grandpa Gets Audited

The IRS summons Grandpa to the office because they notice some irregularities in his latest return.  Grandpa decides to face them head on and shows up with his well-dressed attorney.

The auditor explains, ‘The IRS simply finds it unbelievable that you can live so posh, yet have no income.  You claim to make money gambling?”

“I can prove what a great gambler I am,’ says Grandpa.

The auditor agrees to a demonstration.

Grandpa snorts, ‘I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.’

“Well, that’s not possible”, says the auditor.  “I’ll take that bet.”

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.

Grandpa next says, ‘Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.’

The auditor knows that grandpa isn’t blind, and therefore, doesn’t have a second glass eye.  He takes him up on the second offer.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

‘Want to go double or nothing?’ Grandpa asks ‘I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.’

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa’s own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

‘Are you okay?’ the auditor asks.

‘Not really,’ says the attorney. ‘This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it!’

 

Grandpa gets audited and comes out on top!

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Happily married to the love of my life. It's just us, our 5 cats, and our beautiful woods. I'm loving living back in the Florida panhandle being close to family. I love cooking, living a healthy lifestyle, taking care of our cozy home, and trying new things.

We enjoy hosting parties and my husband and I are both avid gamers. You can find me on PS4 as SunshineFlaGirl. We also play tabletop RPGs and eurogames.


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Alicia Taylor

Happily married to the love of my life. It’s just us, our 5 cats, and our beautiful woods. I’m loving living back in the Florida panhandle being close to family. I love cooking, living a healthy lifestyle, taking care of our cozy home, and trying new things.

We enjoy hosting parties and my husband and I are both avid gamers. You can find me on PS4 as SunshineFlaGirl. We also play tabletop RPGs and eurogames.

26 Comments

  • Erin

    February 23, 2016 - 5:54 pm

    Funny! Taxes are the worst!

  • Erin

    February 23, 2016 - 5:54 pm

    LOL, that is too funny! Taxes are the worst!!!

  • Tamason Gamble

    February 23, 2016 - 2:00 pm

    Tax time is always so stressful for people, me included. But, it happens at the same time every year just like Christmas but then I suppose we get stressed then as well.

    • Alicia Taylor

      February 23, 2016 - 4:07 pm

      Yeah – that’s why I shared a bit of humor to lighten it up.

  • Tonya C

    February 23, 2016 - 10:42 am

    That’s a funny post! I too have to help my son do his taxes this year for the first time. Hoping for a full refund too!

    • Alicia Taylor

      February 23, 2016 - 12:04 pm

      That first time is usually pretty easy – unless they have kids and a house.

  • Tiffany C.

    February 23, 2016 - 9:20 am

    Too funny! I needed a good laugh this morning.

  • Khrista (ezeBreezy Life Simplified)

    February 23, 2016 - 8:00 am

    That’s hilarious. Ugh..tax time. The time is here. Thanks for spreading some humor around tax time.

    • Alicia Taylor

      February 23, 2016 - 11:53 am

      NP 🙂 Anything to lighten the stress of the season.

  • Mama to 5 Blessings

    February 23, 2016 - 7:37 am

    LOL! That is funny and gross all at the same time! This time of the year makes me nervous even though my husband does our taxes and is good at it.

    • Alicia Taylor

      February 23, 2016 - 11:52 am

      I do ours – and hubby works from home, so it’s definitely complicated. We will likely end up owing this year, so I joke to break up the tension.

  • Carol Bryant

    February 22, 2016 - 11:13 pm

    This made me laugh aloud. Oh boy, income tax time is in the air. I cannot believe it already.

  • Bri

    February 22, 2016 - 10:51 pm

    What a great joke. A betting man Grandpa is. This is a nice way to add some fun into taxes

  • Claudia Krusch

    February 22, 2016 - 10:50 pm

    LOL that is too funny! Love the story! No messing around with Grandpa!

  • laura

    February 22, 2016 - 10:37 pm

    this is cute and I am so glad I have an accountant that handles my taxes every year or else I would go insane!!

  • janeane Davis

    February 22, 2016 - 10:36 pm

    The joke was funny. I thought I knew what was going to happen, but I was way off.

  • rebecca

    February 22, 2016 - 6:14 pm

    haha! That is hilarious! I’ll have to share that one.

  • Milena

    February 22, 2016 - 6:07 pm

    I’m still pulling our stuff together for taxes! My husband takes care of ours.

  • Jessica

    February 22, 2016 - 5:37 pm

    Haha! That was a pretty good punchline! I’m glad to hear your son’s tax filing was relatively easy. My 18 year old stepson has multiple W-2s from different states and it’s already shaping up to be interesting for him! lol

    • Alicia Taylor

      February 22, 2016 - 7:05 pm

      We went through that last year when we moved from Minnesota to Florida. It was definitely confusing!

  • robin masshole mommy

    February 22, 2016 - 5:37 pm

    LOL that is too funny! My hubby works for the IRS, so I will send this to him!

    • Alicia Taylor

      February 22, 2016 - 7:06 pm

      As long as he has a good sense of humor and doesn’t audit me. LOL

  • Gloria @ Homemade & Yummy

    February 22, 2016 - 5:00 pm

    Well I guess Grandpa is pretty sure of what he can and cannot do.

  • Tamara

    February 22, 2016 - 4:55 pm

    haha! That is hilarious! I’ll have to share that one.
    As for tax time, it makes me nervous. We haven’t filed yet but we will very soon.

    • Alicia Taylor

      February 22, 2016 - 5:14 pm

      I completely understand. David is waiting on an amended W-2, but I’m pretty sure we will owe in this year.

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